On being doubtful.

A couple days ago I went to my missionary prep class. I walked in and I see about 4 very pre-missionary looking fellows and a plethora of future sister missionaries. I sat down, observed, and listened silently to the conversations around me. These girls were perfect. Your typical sister missionaries, as ready as can be. Perfect hair, perfect face, perfect everything. Really though, you'd think they get haircuts on the daily. And their sense of style is so far off from mine. Insanely clean cut.

Then there was me shrinking in my chair with my frizzy natural curl, a plaid shirt, a down jacket, toms, and maybe some mascara. It was awful. Looking around me and realizing that there is no way I am cut out for this.

And how am I supposed to give up my whole life for 18 months? I love being outside. I'm in the canyon almost every day! That time is coveted like you wouldn't believe. I love music. It makes me happy to sing along and dance like you just don't care. I love school. School is so interesting and learning new things is my favorite! I love my family, they are amazing people that I can't stand to be away from for that long. I love everything that makes me, me.

And then class started. We talked about missions and everything of the sort. After that we watched a video. A video about sister missionaries converting and baptizing a family. And then I realized why I'm doing this.

I want to serve my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I want to share the love and joy this gospel has brought me. I want to teach His children. I want to love those people I serve. I want to spiritually progress. I want to bring His people back into the fold and gather His sheep.

And if that means putting off everything I love for 18 months, so be it. Sure it will be insanely hard, but He is always there. No matter how selfish the circumstances may be.

Hey! Maybe the people I serve will need someone as imperfect as me to teach them.

(Also, Alexa Leydsman's blog post about everyone being different helped loads! Thanks Alexa.)

Till next time.


  1. Just to let you know cutie that this post helped me a ton! I'm kinda feeling the same way with everything I'll be leaving behind. But when you mentioned the reasons why you are willing to sacrifice all of that I felt the spirit so strong and knew those were the same reasons I am. You are absolutely amazing!

  2. So glad that you found something of truth from my post. You should know that I found a great deal from yours as well. Keep up the good work!

  3. You made me cry, Kell!! I LOVE reading your blog! You inspire me and I want to become a better person because of you and your sweet spirit. I love you so much! Chaco on Kell :)

  4. Mckelle. I love you. I miss you. This post is so wonderful. You are awesome. Seriously.